Constructive Criticism - Take It On the Chin Like A Man
How do you deal with constructive criticism? Do you get all flaky when your readers chastise you on your blog or do you stand up like a man and face the facts. Regardless of the industry you blog in, you will encounter negative feedback at some stages in your blogging career.
While the natural urge is to turn around and run a mile or two, you really shouldn’t and I tell you why.
Criticism is good for you!
When others criticize you, it means they care about you. They want you to do even better than you already do and are not afraid to offer you helpful feedback. If you care to see it that way of course. I admit that in the past I did not like criticism at all. I was like a stubborn mule who refused to see the truth, regardless of the cost I paid for it.
Now that I’m a little more grown up (note the "little") I actually welcome criticism (be nice please). It helps me to get better at what I do. Hearing all the time that I’m great and good at my craft is really nice (and I mean this too), but sometimes I wish for somebody to actually turn around and tell me where I could better my performance. Don’t worry, it does happen occasionally and it it in those times I take another step forward
Does that make me mental? No way. I’m simply interested to keep growing, both as a person and a business owner. Since I’m no longer afraid of making mistakes, I welcome constructive feedback (please note the constructive) way more than if somebody repeatedly keeps slapping my back, telling me how good I did.
The growth factor
I see critic like a breath of fresh air. While our first reaction might be blushing, anger, feeling misunderstood or chastised, when we get criticized by others, we often see the underlying benefits of the message eventually. Once the emotions have cleared out.
The messenger has actually just done us a favor.
By looking constructive at how we could have done a task better than we did, we will discover a new strength within us. If we are able to tap into this strength it will help us to grow continuously.
The person who has stopped growing (mentally) is in my eyes a dead person. I know that switching off to critics is sometimes the easy way out. I also know that most of you are often stressed and challenged enough in life without having somebody criticize you.
The difference lies in the construction
Here is the thing though. There is a huge difference in the way we can give somebody helpful and constructive feedback opposed to just telling them off. Telling off usually doesn’t work. If you think back to your school days I’m sure you remember occasions when the teacher reprimanded you.
Did it feel good. I bet not. It made you look like an idiot in front of the whole class.
Reprimanding isn’t the same as giving constructive criticism. Reprimanding is telling somebody off, either for the sake of making them feel inferior (often done by bullies), or telling them off for the sake of teaching a lesson (such as by parents and teachers).
The interesting thing is that even children would react a lot better to constructive criticism than downright reprimands. A criticism can also be a reprimand. It depends on the language that is used to deliver it.
If we shout, scream or abuse, we cannot be constructive. When feelings are involved we cannot be constructive either. To be constructive we have to evaluate the situation and offer feedback based on what is expected of the person doing the task.
If that expectation isn’t met, then constructive criticism might be offered.
The fine line
All too often we get emotional when opinions are involved. And that is really the key. If you run on emotions, don’t ever offer criticism to anybody. Since you can’t be factual when you are upset or disappointed it will only be misunderstood by the person who receives your critic.
Opinions also don’t qualify us to criticize others, only to discuss our difference in views.
When to offer constructive criticism
If you run a business with guidelines and those are not met by your employees, then you have every right to voice your concerns with constructive criticism. After all you have a system to follow and when people don’t stick to the rules it is high time for you to take action.
You can also be constructive with your children, spouses or your friends. We can all gain from being respected and receiving valuable feedback. Regardless of what you do and where you live, try to take this with you and implement it into your own life.
Be constructive - not abusive.
What do you think personally about being criticized? Do you get all offensive, or is it beneficial for you because it helps you to grow too? Please let me know.
Janko | May 30th, 2008 at 3:04 pm #
Very good article. I know you are right about everything. Still, I feel uncomfortable when I get criticized. But it is not about what others think, but rather about accepting your own mistakes. It is very hard! Eventually I realize that rational approach is to try learn from it. And that’s the only thing that helps.
Reverse Mergers | May 30th, 2008 at 4:52 pm #
Thank you for the article. For a very long time I’ve also felt pretty much offended when get criticized, but fortunately I get used to it and now I can make the difference between constructive criticism and between abusing.
Guillermo | May 30th, 2008 at 7:36 pm #
Well… the problem is not the “what” Itś how… You can take it as a man, but many times the way those critics are written can pass that fine line between the blogger and the person… But who knows. May be you have to learn to deal with that also.
Monika Mundell (Post Author) | May 30th, 2008 at 11:33 pm #
@ Janko: That is correct. We have to stop worrying about the others and concentrate more on our own abilities to perceive things and whether we are moving in the right or wrong direction.
Believe me, the moment you stop worrying what others think, you will be stronger in terms of taking criticism on the chin. Like you said, it isn’t easy and takes some trust in yourself but once you do it you won’t want to go back.
@ Reverse Mergers: You are welcome. I know exactly what you mean. Like you, it took me a long while to learn this myself but now I’m good.
@ Guillermo: You are certainly right with what you are saying. I suspect the how is also the difference between downright abuse and constructive criticism and that is where the fine line is.
Some bloggers do abuse this massively. But as far as I’m concerned don’t worry about them.
diy help | May 31st, 2008 at 12:09 am #
Nice article. I agree tht criticism is good and it’ll only be useful when the author themselves know how to take it and then use it in good way. But thr are still other ppl tht purposely trying to make ppl look bad or they jz have fun in doing it so don’t be too overreact with it. Thnx for the article
Janko | May 31st, 2008 at 12:44 am #
What about rating stars? That is also another way of criticizm, but I am not sure it’s very useful. It is much easier to rate an article then to add a comment. But, unlike comments, it tells me nothing about why one likes or dislikes something. I have that functionality on my blog, but I’m not convinced it has a purpose. What is your opinion?
Venkat | May 31st, 2008 at 8:17 am #
Very interesting and useful. I agree with you, we should not become emotional. I think our ability to understand the importance of beliefs for survival will solve this problem. If my writing is in conflict with the your beliefs, you may tend to criticize me. To keep my cool, it is important for me to understand the importance of your viewpoint for your survival. No argument is good here. You can see many followers of A-listers leaving negative comments on Vic’s blog because he is questioning what they are surviving on. Human beings has the knack of changing their beliefs depending on their survival mode.
griulo | May 31st, 2008 at 11:25 am #
thank you for the article. it is really important to get constructive criticism, to learn how others see us, or to learn how to get better.
Jordan Pearce | May 31st, 2008 at 12:16 pm #
I find it hard to be offended especially from people online. Maybe that’s just me. Good to bring up the subject though. Thanks.
David | June 1st, 2008 at 12:51 am #
Criticism is a great way to be constructive but they way that the individual criticizes is important. Your site sucks is not very nice or civil, but on the other hand, saying I like this but you might need to work on that is a great way to give criticism.
Tahira | September 30th, 2008 at 5:34 pm #
i think that people judge me all the time. The Constructive criticism that you are speaking is very rare. People have been giving their opinions and constructive criticism of me for a long time. I used to didn’t like me and to find out that nobody really likes me as I am is devastating. Well maybe next time I will just bite my tongue, but it still hurts. Not knowing is the criticism was beneficial or not and my tongue. lol